May 2013
7 posts
Letter To A Friend
I had an online conversation with this guy who’s currently living in Vietnam and felt extremely frustrated. Normally I’d ignore these things on FB but lately I feel like I have to challenge people and point out their ignorance. He posted a food picture of rice, piece of fish, tofu, and bits of greens with a caption that says, (translated) “This food is nasty. Why would someone...
“Say, oh just say forever, stay
If you stay forever…”
“Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you, for you. Baby, I’m not...”
– Phillips Phillips - Gone Gone Gone
“In this crazy world of choices, I’ve only got a few. Either you’re...”
– Enrique Iglesias - Finally Found You
April 2013
8 posts
Detachment
I was always under the impression that my dad left me when I was younger. It wasn’t until I was 19 that I realized it was a lot more complicated than that. For most of my life, I had the fear of people leaving me because I felt the void of my dad not being there. As a defense mechanism, I wanted to leave people before they had a chance to get rid of me. On the one hand, I desperately want to...
Happiness, Life
Life is too short to be unhappy. During these past couple of weeks, there’s been a lot to be sad about. With finals coming up, it’s even harder to focus on doing what I need to do when all I can think about are the things going on around me. I’ve been trying to be optimistic but every day it’s a struggle when all I want to do is crawl into a ball. Lucky for me, I count my...
“Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when...”
– Passenger - Let Her Go
When I feel a bug on me
whatshouldwecallme:
i ran through a swarm of flies and reacted like this
“God bless The Notebook. It introduced me to one of the great loves of my life....”
– Ryan Gosling, why are you so amazing? What’s more romantic than The Notebook??
Inner Being
I went to a talk given by a Buddhist nun and although it was sort of an introductory course on Buddhism, it was a good refresher. There were lots of different lessons being discussed but one that still resonates in me and worthy of blogging.
I’m tired so I’m going to sum it up, she said that when anything bothers you, you can figure it out by looking inside of yourself. That’s...
March 2013
10 posts
“Despite the fact that you know that this is not healthy and you know that you...”
– best run-on sentence ever ;)
What Kind of Life Am I Making For Myself?
The other day at the gym, I went to put my age into the treadmill to start my cardio. I stared at the 24 and it all felt so unreal. I looked up to see my reflection in the window and it reminded me of my high school self. Face still the same and body is relatively the same - not as toned as it was but it could be much worse. I always thought that once I was in my mid-20s I would feel different and...
Stay
When someone disconnects from me emotionally, I try to cling on to them physically. Maybe it’s to fill the void or maybe it’s so that I can feel them as a part of myself again. The more I see someone detaching and distancing themselves, all I really want to do is reach out and hug them.
It’s hard for me to say what I mean or to express to someone how much I care about them. Even...
Moments
When you said, “Oh yeah? Why don’t you show me how it’s done?” The time you put ice-cream in your mouth and I had to eat it to prove I was okay with us sharing germs. When I was upset at the gym, and you stood on the other side of the room and waved to me. Every time you’ve said, “That felt nice.” You showed me what a platonic cuddle was. Planning...
Love Me
There’s an aura of desperation emanating from me and I’m not sure I like that. I continually question the way I act; “natural” is something my body no longer understands how to conform to. In my need to keep my composure, it takes every bit of energy to contain myself, to try to play by your rules, to not slip up and say the wrong things, to be as inconspicuous as possible...
“God that was strange to see you again, introduced by a friend of a friend,...”
– Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead
This Friendship
There are so many good and bad things with this friendship. I’d just like to document a few things so that I can look back on this one day.
Yesterday was nice. It was nice to hear you say you looked forward to hanging out with me. We had dinner, watched movies, and then talked for awhile until we passed out. It’s as if things were like how they were before, when we first met and...
February 2013
11 posts
Friends, Break and School
School’s been stressful. I cannot do anything right and I don’t know how to change it. This break will be a good way to catch up and get my life together. The next couple of days will be dedicated to that.
This break has been so good. Every now and then, I stop and think to myself how wonderful an experience is. I went to temple with my brothers and had so much fun taking pics and...
This is all fun, right?
Through those tremendously embarrassing moments, I felt myself caring. I wanted to say then that it was okay, I’m not judging. Even as I laid there, I seeped into a level of comfort and thought how much I enjoyed being there. I could really get used to this.
Beforehand, I knew what I was getting myself into. I understood why I came. I thought I could do it - not care. But as the night went...
“I love you. I love you as a person. I really do. I just don’t like who I...”
– Ouch.
Heartbeat
In-between the darkness of the room, I can see the shadow of your face. I hear your soft breathing and wonder if you were really sleeping or if like me, your eyes were closed but your mind was now awaken with the same thoughts. As I slowly slipped out of my slumber, I could feel the warmth of your body next to mine. And when I realized our arms were touching, I felt my heart pulsating out of my...
“I don’t know why we hang on to something we know we’re better off...”
Little Cousin's Quite Poetic
13eauty:
We have a knack of sharing secrets, thoughts, and gestures thinking that others understand and can relate to, but in reality, no one truly understands. No one really knows what you’re going through or why you do the things you do. Now I know why people choose to be alone, distant, cold.
“Poems don’t have to rhyme, you know. They’re just supposed to be...
“Into the night for us, we’re the only ones left
I bet you even know, where we...”
– Chvrches - The Mother We Share
Lost
Somewhere in-between the hang-outs, the studying, the CAIR meetings, the socializing, the laziness - I lost myself. I need to really regroup and figure out what I’m doing here and focus on that. I need to separate from my radical self and take life one piece at a time. I can’t keep walking around with my head floating in the air with these dreams and idealism. This semester has been so...
1 tag
“It’s better to talk about something you know than to talk about something...”
– So true.
Processing
I often saw you glancing at me from across the room. I suppose if I hadn’t been looking at you too, I wouldn’t have noticed it. There must have been some sort of attraction there. When we actually talked that one night, I thought you were so cute and nice. It’s not often that I’m able to chitchat about politics and philosophy in the middle of some house party. I...
BC I'm An Idiot
This is a prime example of when I try to do way too much. I should’ve known better but I’m often conflicted with what I want to do and what I know I should do.
Last night, as I laid there, I said to myself, “I don’t think I know what it means to do what I want.”
I’m so conflicted that when I try to do it all, I put myself in dangerous situations like this. I...
When It Hurts
When can you call it quits? When you look at that person and realize you like them so much but it hurts to be around them, what can you do? When there’s nothing you look forward to more than being in their presence and then being around them just upsets you.
It’s when every word they say feels like little jabs at your nerves and in order to make the best of things, you can’t...
January 2013
8 posts
“I’m still confused about what happened, from when I first met you until we...”
– Most honest thing I’ve ever written.
Things I Never Said
In 8th grade, my first serious boyfriend broke up with me. He did it on AIM. His excuse was that we were better friends and it wasn’t like we were really dating because we didn’t do anything. (Granted we were 12 and all he did was come to my locker and walk me to class.) When he ended things, I just said okay even though it really hurt. A couple of weeks later, he messaged me and said...
“My religion is ‘Get over it,’ and I was raised in that religion....”
– Nora Ephron
“Satine: You, you will be mean.
Christian: No, I won’t.
Satine: And...”
– Moulin Rouge! - Elephant Love Medley
December 2012
11 posts
2012 Wrap-Up
This year went by so quickly. I started the year unemployed, confused about where my life was going, thinking to myself how the mighty has fallen. I started an office job that was terrible, ended up meeting a girl who literally changed my life. Before this, I was obsessed with the idea of success and for all the wrong reasons. I became more in tune with spirituality and compassion. We’d sit...
“I wanted you to know, that when I do picture myself happy, it’s with you.”
“I just want to be able to talk about things - frustrating, confusing, whatever -...”
Fortune Cookies
I think life tries to tell you things by allowing the messages to manifest through fortune cookies. Earlier in the day I had one that read, “Forget those things that aren’t worth remembering.” I thought, “Heck yeah! This is so on point.” I shouldn’t keep thinking about this guy. He came and went in such a short period of time, it shouldn’t matter....
“When you’re getting into it with someone, sometimes it’s hard to...”
– Wise words from a wise girl.
Adorn
It was as if all of this was meant to happen and unravel the way it was supposed to. Someone up above must have known that I needed someone like you now - someone to show me I deserve better than how I’ve been treated. I can’t keep up with these games. I’d rather people be upfront with me than have me be confused about where I stand. This hot and cold business is old, been there...
